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joint-custodyDivorce ranks among the top five most stressful life events. Not only are the adults involved affected by this stress, but their children can suffer as much if not more. Despite this, there are times when divorce is inevitable. Keeping emotions in check, though difficult, can help reduce stress levels. How you react to the process and the choices you make along the way, particularly regarding child custody matters, have a great impact on how your children fare through this experience.

A study published last week in the Journal of Epidemiology & Community explored various living arrangements and the affect they have on children. In an article titled “Study: Joint Custody After Divorce Least Stressful on Children,” which appears on www.wsaz.com, author Brad Myers reports the study found that living arrangements where children can spend equal quality time with each parent were least stressful on the child.

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facebook-divorceThere is little question that for many people social media has become a popular way of communicating milestones and accomplishments with close friends and family as well as with distant relatives and others they have lost touch with over the years. People don’t hesitate to post happy events like new jobs, births, weddings and engagements, but less joyous events like divorce are another story. Usually such news is announced with a subtle change in status, but that may soon shift considering a recent ruling by a New York judge allowing Facebook to be used to notify an absentee spouse about a pending divorce. (For details, read “Judge rules that you can now divorce your spouse on Facebook.”)

Under ordinary circumstances, a person seeking a divorce files a petition with the court to terminate his or her marriage. The court then serves the other spouse with notification of the intentions, giving that person the opportunity to contest the divorce. There are instances, however, when the whereabouts of an estranged spouse are unknown and the person filing for divorce must make a diligent effort to locate him or her before the divorce proceeds. An earlier blog published on this site, “Divorcing an Absent Spouse Requires Detective Work,” outlined the basic steps to take when divorcing an absent spouse. In light of the court ruling mentioned above, posting to Facebook can now be added to that list.

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domestic-violence-penaltiesDomestic violence is a prevalent problem that can affect anyone regardless of age, race, religion, socioeconomic status and even gender. Last year saw an increase in the number of calls made to domestic violence hotlines within the State. Despite current laws designed to curb this behavior, some abusers get away without any serious consequences. Certain New Jersey lawmakers want to change that.

Three New Jersey lawmakers including Assemblyman Erik Peterson (R-Clinton) believe it is time to revise State laws concerning domestic violence and have introduced legislation to that effect. Read Kevin McArlde’s article, “Domestic violence penalties would increase under NJ measure” to learn more.

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annulmentA recent story on msn.com disclosed that actress Pamela Anderson was contesting an application for annulment by her estranged spouse, Rick Salomon, and instead was seeking to proceed with the divorce she filed for last month. While it seems both are in agreement that they want their marriage to end, this story raises the question: What is the difference between divorce and annulment?

Many people equate annulment with a religious process which ends a marriage in the eyes of their church. Although this is true, there is also such a thing as a legal annulment that has little to do with religion. Both processes effectively end a marriage; however, simply stated, divorce terminates the relationship while annulment reverses it. In other words, to annul a marriage is to declare that it never existed.

There are very specific circumstances under which an annulment would be granted, some of which are state-specific. The article, “What are the Grounds for an Annulment of Marriage in New Jersey” sets out the grounds for annulment in this State.

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pre-nupsA pre-nuptial agreement may not conjure up the most romantic thoughts, but in today’s world of career-oriented couples who wait later in life to marry, it can be a very reasonable and even responsible step to take before the wedding. Pre-nuptial agreements, if properly drawn up and executed, can provide protection for the assets of both parties. Like with any legal agreement, however, it isn’t a good idea to blindly sign on the dotted line; make sure you understand what is being asked and offered in the agreement. For an idea of what to do if your significant other asks you to sign a prenuptial agreement, read Jillian Kramer’s article,  “He Asked You to Sign a Pre-Nup … Now What?” appearing in the online edition of Brides magazine.

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post-divorce-financesOne of the biggest obstacles couples face after divorce is adjusting to their new financial status. The joint income that previously sustained one household now has to cover two. Making sure your finances are in order is a big step toward getting on with your life post divorce, but it requires a careful assessment of all your assets as well as your future financial needs.To make sure you aren’t overlooking any important aspect of your financial health, read the familyaffaires.com article “Adjusting to Life Financially after Divorce” by Catherine Allen.(1)

  1. http://www.familyaffaires.com/adjusting-life-financially-divorce/

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custodyOne of the most difficult and emotionally charged decisions facing couples contemplating divorce involves the custody of the children. Most agree that, whenever possible, equal involvement in the child’s life on the part of both parents is the best solution. New Jersey family courts share this opinion but will put the best interest of the child first when deciding custody issues.(1)

There are two separate forms of custody: legal and physical. Legal custody determines who has the responsibility for making important decisions for the child, particularly concerning medical and educational needs, while physical custody relates to the parent with whom the child lives.(2)

Couples who are able to maintain open communication and work together cooperatively on matters concerning their children can craft a child custody plan either on their own or through mediation based on what works best for parents and children alike. That plan can then be submitted to the court to be filed as a custody order.

Parents can share both legal and physical custody of their children. Sharing legal custody means both parents work together in making major decisions for their children usually on matters relating to finances, medical treatment, school, religious upbringing and where the children live. It helps when parents share similar opinions and values regarding these issues. If there are strong differences of opinion, the court may decide that it would be in the best interest of the child if legal custody was granted to only one parent.

Sharing physical custody means that the child spends equal time living with each parent, whether that time is divided by months or days of the week. This arrangement requires that the parents live in close proximity so as not to cause too much disruption in the child’s school and social life. The goal is to find the arrangement that works best for everyone involved.(3) Continue reading ›

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post-divorce-issuesJanuary is often referred to as “Divorce Month” by some relationship professionals, while others think a more accurate description would be the month in which people start researching their options. In either case, there seems to be an increase in divorce activity, whether it’s initial inquiries or actual filings, at the start of a new year. In fact, the first Monday of the month sees an increase in divorce filings, which continues throughout the month.(1)

The reasons behind this phenomenon range from the emotional to the practical. The holiday season plays a big role in the decision making process for many couples. People postpone taking action because they don’t want to:

  • be alone for the holidays;
  • break up the family during what should be a happy time; or
  • appear cold and heartless for leaving their spouse during the holiday.

For others January is synonymous with a new start; it is a time for doing away with the old and starting something new.

Tax and financial issues pose more practical reasons why people wait until January to begin taking action towards their divorce. Because if they are legally married for even a short-time in the year, some couples can reap the benefits of filing joint tax returns. Also, some companies distribute employee bonuses in January and these bonuses can be claimed as assets by a spouse, possibly increasing the amount of a distribution his or her partner is entitled to. (2)

Divorce is not an overnight process as most people realize. The time from which a person begins to entertain the possibility of divorce, until he or she begins to do serious research and ultimately files for divorce can take months. In fact, research shows that while divorce activity seems to spike in January, it peaks in March.(1) Once the petition for divorce is filed, getting a court date and negotiating a settlement takes more time. Continue reading ›

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mature-minor-doctrineThe Connecticut Supreme Court last week upheld a lower court ruling forcing a 17-year-old cancer patient to undergo chemotherapy treatments despite her expressed objections to the treatments because, the court stated, the girl’s attorneys had failed to prove that she was mature enough to make such decisions.(1)

This ruling has garnered much debate over when a person, particularly a minor, has the right to make decisions regarding his or her medical care. In most cases, the parents of minors, (i.e., children under 18) are responsible for making decisions relating to their child’s medical treatment. However, there are circumstances where states may step in and make those decisions in place of the parents. Such is the case in Connecticut.

According to reports the girl, identified only as Cassandra C., was diagnosed last September as suffering from Hodgkin’s lymphoma, which has been described as a serious yet highly curable form of cancer. Following her diagnosis, the girl underwent surgery to have part of her lymph nodes removed. Doctors recommended that this procedure be followed by chemotherapy treatments. According to medical experts, chemotherapy treatments have an 80 to 95% cure rate for this form of cancer. Without the treatments, however, they say Cassandra is likely to die within a couple of years.(1)

Despite this prognosis, Cassandra expressed concerns about the long-term effect the chemotherapy could have on her internal organs and her fertility and refused the treatments. Her mother reportedly supported her decision.(2)

The law requires doctors to report cases of suspected child abuse and neglect. In this case, Cassandra’s mother’s support was seen as tantamount to abuse in light of the doctors’ prognosis for her child’s chances of survival without the chemotherapy treatments. Doctors referred the case to Connecticut’s Department of Children and Families (DCF), which took the matter to the Connecticut Superior Court. The court ruled in favor of DCF, granting that agency temporary custody of Cassandra and, as a result, the authority to make decisions regarding her medical treatment.(2) Continue reading ›

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step-parent-rights-blogEarlier this month, a blog written by Candice Curry and titled “An Open Letter to My Daughter’s Stepmom” gained mass media attention for dispelling the myths of the “evil step parent” and exploring the difficulties and benefits of co-parenting.(1) Material such as this leads to the question, what are the rights of stepparents?

Without legal custody, a stepparents’ rights generally are very limited. Even in cases where the child’s biological parents designate the stepparent to handle issues pertaining to the child’s health or education, medical professionals including hospitals and school authorities are not required to provide the stepparent with information or to carry out his or her instructions regarding the child.(2) Stepparents also do not have the right in a divorce proceeding to seek custody of a child over that child’s biological parent, except in extreme cases where the stepparent can demonstrate that child abuse has occurred. While courts almost always will grant custody of a child to a blood relative, if a stepparent is the only remaining parent and has built a strong relationship with the child, courts could possibly grant custody to the stepparent.(3)

In New Jersey, there is precedence for “third parties” being allowed contact with or awarded custody of a child. Although this is typically associated with grandparents, it can apply to stepparents as well. In order to be awarded custody, however, a stepparent would need to prove that terminating his or her relationship with the child would be harmful to that child, a higher standard than the “best interests of the child” standard typically considered in custody matters.(4)

While their rights are limited, stepparents do have the responsibility for assuring proper treatment of the child and to offer support to the child while the child is living with him or her. However, the income of the stepparent is rarely taken into consideration by courts when determining child support amounts, nor is the stepparent expected to provide support while the child is living outside the stepparent’s home.(2)

The legal relationship between stepparent and child changes in the event of adoption. Adoptions by stepparents, which is the most common type of adoption in this country, most often occur when the child’s non-custodial parent remarries and that parent is unable, unwilling, or found to be legally unfit to continue parenting his or her child.(5) Continue reading ›

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